Yikes! I'm a pastor's wife!?!

I can be kind of goofy sometimes. However, it's very rare and only my close friends, my kids, and my husband really understand just how weird I am. I grew up with the idea that being "Christian" was a synonym for being "prim and proper." With this notion, I always had a certain sense of not being 'good enough' because I could not live up to the typical Christian stereotypes.

I spent the majority of my early adult years building up walls so that others would be blinded to my imperfections. I wanted to be seen as independent, happy, and care free. In reality, I felt alone, miserable, and anxious - all the time. Trying to hide who I really was in order to live up to the 'Christian expectations' was not only exhausting, but I was contributing to the very impression that blinded me from God's truth.

It was not until I became part of a ministry team that I really began to understand the paramount fact: Christians are far from perfect. And that is okay! Knowing that God created us with all our quirks, all our emotions, and all our imperfections - and yet loves us in spite of it all is a beautiful thing.

I am still awed by the fact that my husband is a children's pastor - making me a pastor's wife! I am definitely not the type of woman I used to think that being in a position of ministry encompassed. I keep thinking that one day I will wake up and just 'feel' like a pastor's wife.

However, the more I get to know my ministry team, the more I realize that 'putting on a face' for the sake of worldly views of how Christians 'should' act is harmful to our personal testimonies. No, I am not perfect. (My husband and kids can testify to that!) I lose my temper at times, I make mistakes, and to top it off - I am extremely introverted. (not the picturesque 'pastor's wife who I always pictured as outgoing and could always remember everyone's name)

But through it all, God blesses my mess. As long as I am trying to live for Him and keep focused on what He has for me, instead of trying to live up to my own idealistic standards, I am enough. Sometimes I just need to get out my head and out of God's way and allow Him to work through me - imperfections and all.